Easing Back-to-School Anxiety: Empowering Your Child with Simple, Effective Strategies (Part 2 of 3) | Ep18

Struggling with back-to-school anxiety? Imagine if a simple scent could help ease your child's transition. In part two of our series on back-to-school stressors, Shawna and I share inventive ways to empower your children and reduce the stress that comes with the new school year. From establishing pre-school routines to using familiar scents like vanilla candles at bedtime, we discuss practical methods that can make this annual upheaval smoother. We also highlight the importance of supporting and listening to your kids as they navigate the complexities of new teachers, classmates, and social circles.

Tune in for heartfelt stories and actionable advice! I recount my own experiences, like how I reached out to my son's new teachers before the school year started to give them a heads-up about his unique needs and vibrant sense of style. By recognizing your child's bravery in facing these transitions, you can help normalize their anxieties and boost their confidence. Don't miss out on tips that can make this school year a positive and empowering experience for your entire family. Listen and discover how to turn back-to-school stress into an opportunity for growth and resilience.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi everyone. Welcome to part two of three on our discussion of back-to-school stressors and unique solutions. If you missed part one, go to my webpage, specialparentorg, and get caught up there first. In this episode, shauna and I continue the discussion, giving you unique ways to empower your children and reduce your stress. We will talk about developmental readiness for school compared to the age of our children. So let's get chatting.

Speaker 2: 0:35

But even something as simple as finding like a really common scented candle like vanilla. So the for the rest of your life you can find a vanilla candle somewhere and so always have that be present when they go to bed or just to plug in and it begins to cue their brain. We're slipping into the routine now.

Speaker 1: 0:55

And routine school is a routine. That's one of the reasons we love to go back is because it sets our routines up, but if, like you said, we've got to start that before school starts, so that way, when school starts, and it's the new transition, there's the other constants in our life. So, that's a tip about getting your routine started before school starts. And then school is a transition new people, old people we may not like.

Speaker 2: 1:20

It's really probably the only time in our lives where we, as a species, are forced to completely immerse ourself into a culturally different setting.

Speaker 1: 1:34

Yes.

Speaker 2: 1:34

All new people, all new master and commanders. So our teachers are going to be new Every year your boss changes Every year.

Speaker 2: 1:42

your boss changes Every year. Your boss changes Every year. Your boss changes. Every year. Your social circle changes. I mean, if we're awesome enough in a position where it's awesome enough that we have same friends throughout school, that's fantastic. That's not always the case, no, and especially not in big cities like ours, where you have multiple elementary schools feeding into the same junior high school. Now you've got several schools represented at the same thing in high school. This is really the only artifice in our culture where we do that. As adults, we don't, once a year, flip the mattress on our life and have everything new.

Speaker 1: 2:17

Yeah, we have more stability as adults than our kids, and I think that's another tip is listen to your kids as they go through this. Just give them that space because you can normalize for them that it's okay to have the anxiety about this. I don't go through this transition every single year you do, but I'm here to support you because I survived it, going through it myself, right.

Speaker 2: 2:39

And I would really be strong in the talk, even with teenagers, and they'll say you're cheesy. And I'm going to say, well, you like nachos, so I guess we're cool. Find ways to enforce that. This is the seventh new school year that you've started, or this is the 10th new school year. How courageous are you that you keep going back and you find your way and you find a place. That that's incredible. Yes, I, as an adult, I don't have to do that, but you have to do that every year and encourage them, because we don't really recognize that as a skill, but it is.

Speaker 1: 3:17

It is and it's a huge challenge for some kids.

Speaker 2: 3:21

they love it. We have, so we have students that are bummed out at the breaks. They're bummed out at summer. They're thriving in the school setting. But I think that is not the norm. There is just a societal expectation that this is what we do. But we're doing this to those who are most rapidly changing and growing neurologically and developmentally and we're wanting them to completely readjust annually. Yes, it's a lot.

Speaker 1: 3:49

And it's a good thing. You mentioned kind of reaching out to the teacher beforehand. Sometimes reaching out to the teacher is a good idea and I know I did that this year because my middle son transferred schools and I wanted some of the teachers to kind of just have an idea. He had some unique needs as far as bathrooming and toileting goes not that the teacher needed to do any of it, but they need to be aware of it. So I put a picture of him in the email so that way they can have a face to it, kind of also showed his unique sense of style with his bright green shirt and his camo orange shorts, with his red Crocs.

Speaker 1: 4:24

So I was like this is my kid's sense of style. He loves to learn. He actually is a pleaser. So he'll work his little butt off, but just understand that all of a sudden, when his eyes pop up, if he goes I got to go to the bathroom, but he needs to go now. He can't wait for someone else to come back, he can't do these other, he can't wait till the end of the lesson, right, exactly, he's not trying to be disruptive, exactly. So I think it's important when your kid has a unique need. That's going to be different than classroom expectations. We reach out beforehand and just give the teacher, hey, a heads up, without maybe giving them a paragraph or their life story, right?

Speaker 2: 5:31

And so being a teacher also being on the other, the flip side of that, if I have, you know, 15 parents wanting to and send it.

Speaker 1: 5:34

You are the queen of making requests with gifts. I'm a gift giver, yeah, you're a gift giver.

Speaker 2: 5:37

So if you make the request with the Starbucks card or make the request with a candy bar because what you're really doing card, or make the request with a candy bar, because what you're really doing, first of all it's wonderful for the gift givers and receivers. But you're also saying I'm not attacking you, yes, I'm not questioning your ability and I'm not angry, I'm not pointing my finger, I'm saying I'm excited that you're part of my kiddos team and I so appreciate that. You're doing yes, and I. I just thought that this might help him and you to have this quick reminder because a lot of times as parents, I remember when my kids were younger, I would look at the IEPs and I didn't know what half of it meant. And even now, when we get IEPs from another state, we're like we've got our Indiana Jones hat on.

Speaker 2: 6:28

We're trying to like figure out what yeah, because the the wording is different, the technical wording is different. So, as a parent, just being able to say to the teacher, hey, you might want to check with this, this, this. So with my son I had who was, for lack of a better term, a major know-it-all, and I tried to tell her. So my son's disability presents a little different, because he has reactive attachment disorder and a lot of times everything you do is very counterintuitive to these kids and I said I'm going to send you him with some things.

Speaker 2: 7:08

And he was in the meeting and he interrupted me and she turned and just was like meeting and he interrupted me and she turned and just was like you will not interrupt in my classroom and you will not. And I thought we'll see, ma'am, we'll see what he does, have fun with that. And she said you will not be stealing in my room. That's not just not going to happen and for my son it's not even enforceable.

Speaker 1: 7:31

Yeah, he was set herself up to fail.

Speaker 2: 7:33

He was like game on, yeah, and um challenge accepted.

Speaker 2: 7:37

Exactly Within within a week we were like hey um. She called hey um, I'm missing 13 new calculators. And then we just found them in little holes buried around in our backyard. Just, he didn't need them, she just said he couldn't take them home. So they were buried in our backyard. So, giving the teacher the heads up hey, my kid is great, I love them, but you might want to hide your electronics. And he really, really loves the backs of remote controls. I don't know why, but he has quite a collection of them, so just put some tape on it. So, heads up. But it's very easy as a teacher to feel like you're being attacked, and a lot of times, by the time, kids are older and heading into school.

Speaker 2: 8:24

They've spent especially if it's an invisible disability they've spent a lot of time with staff and people rolling their eyes and clicking their sucking their teeth at them, so they're very weaponized.

Speaker 2: 8:38

It's, it's. The judgment is outrageous. And already, I mean, my children are adopted from orphanages. I went there, I saw where they were living. I know what early trauma looks like, but I still I'm the mom, these are my children. So there was still such guilt over the places where I didn't see health in their life, and so we take on ownership of that. So when you that's what makes you a good mom, though Right Well, not, according to my son Still over there trying to whip up some world wars, but when we stand in that place of judgment, it's hard not to weaponize yourself. So a lot of times I feel like as educators, we spend some of the first part of the year just trying to get our parents to lay down their defenses.

Speaker 1: 9:32

Because parents are used to the judgment that comes from educators, I mean I experienced that last year. I know I talked to you about it last year. We won't go into too much detail here, but a lot of judgment from teachers I even had during an IEP meeting. It was recorded. Even the teacher said well, I don't, so what does it mean for him to have this disability? How does that even affect what he does in the classroom? And that was said in April and I was just like well, that explains a lot.

Speaker 2: 10:02

Now I understand why the accommodations weren't as effective as you'd hoped so as a parent.

Speaker 1: 10:07

It's like we're going back to school and I have that in my mind. That just happened in April and now he's going to have new teachers and there's the stress of am I going to have teachers who don't understand that it is a disability at all, not an excuse, that it is something that they can help him with if they're willing to? So we have that stress. We have the stress of I have to buy new stuff, all the new pencils and the supplies, and this you can go broke at the beginning of the school year.

Speaker 2: 10:33

You have seven kids.

Speaker 1: 10:35

Yes, yes, school year had to be very taxing on your financial situation.

Speaker 2: 10:40

Well, you know, I'm also like I'm. I'm a. Shopping is my love language, and so it is. It's outrageous and it's it's honestly, it's it's honestly. It's another thing. Planning, um, they will mock me, but I have little cubby holes in my closet of school supplies and stuff when it goes on sale through the year. I mean they're all going to need colored markers, they're all going to be crayons. So I put it aside to not kill myself because, you know, as teachers, we have, like that, top ramen august we're waiting for that first, that first check to show up.

Speaker 2: 11:10

But yeah, I mean even with the kids to make it a game. You can make it a game. Oh, we've got all the newspaper ads. Let's see who has the best price on pencils. Who has the best price? Because my mind, get in there and what's the most expensive pencil I can find? These are the Ticonderoga's already sharpened, ma'am, I don't need to be spending all my time doing this on the sharpener.

Speaker 1: 11:36

Oh now, kids have it easy. Yeah, they do.

Speaker 2: 11:39

But then we have to listen to it. That's true. Sorry, it's so bad.

Speaker 1: 11:45

You can edit Well and that's actually a way to kind of empower kids and get them excited about the school year is have them help with the shopping, have them find that new backpack that they love, because they, you know, drag the other one along all year and now it's got a big hole in the bottom, but it was their favorite, but duct tape's not even going to fix this one baby. So, yeah, this is how, hey I, you need to help me get you ready and if again, we model that excitement about the school year rather than that.

Speaker 2: 12:15

Oh, I gotta buy more of that again, so we can even make it a. Make it a game where you give them a budget. Here's how much you have. Here's all the ads. Piece it together, what you want to buy. There will probably be less pencils and more squishables on there than you would like, but mom I need one for each class. I need one. Each teacher said that I have to have a stuffed animal in my desk. Of course they did Right. Sure, I'm sure. Oh, your teacher wanted your cell phone updated.

Speaker 1: 12:45

All right, I don't think that happened but I don't think you need the newest iPhone or Google or whatever, right?

Speaker 2: 12:51

Yeah, but too, I mean, and I have my own opinions on basically our supply list for our classes are just bring, get yourself there.

Speaker 1: 13:01

Uh huh, yeah, with the students that we work with. The supply list is please come to school. Please get there. That would be great. On time would be preferable Staying in class would be great.

Speaker 2: 13:09

Fully cloth school, please get that would be great. On time would be preferable. Staying in class would be fully clothed, fantastic. Whoa, let's get there.

Speaker 1: 13:15

Um, there are definitely things you can do.

Speaker 2: 13:16

Definitely one student wearing pajama pants today I was told by another student that tomorrow is friday, so she would be wearing pajamas, and I was like that's a different version of casual friday.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Yeah, exactly, I didn't know I, I I'm hoping her pajamas are full pajamas.

Speaker 2: 13:33

Listen these days with the high schools out there, but yeah our district just decided they're really going to enforce the dress code and I'm hoping our students are very angry and upset. We'll see how that goes.

Speaker 1: 13:46

And I think it's fantastic.

Speaker 2: 13:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:49

I mean I was kind of shocked when I saw a brassiere and walk on the campus the other day. Yeah, on the outside there was nothing covering it and I was like, oh wow, this is that. That's not a shirt.

Speaker 2: 14:00

So and that's another thing when, when you're sending your special needs child, it is very confusing often that they are developmentally not where they should be, so they're not ready to see now they're, yeah, they're watching. Wow is, is this a lingerie showroom?

Speaker 1: 14:20

I didn't know and we're trying to protect them because we know developmentally they're not prepared for that and yet, right, they're going into an environment where they're going to start to see it right. So sometimes we have to start having the conversation about what our family does.

Speaker 2: 14:34

Just to add one more stressor Right Exactly, you need to get the pencils, the right color folders and beware the bra. Right Exactly.

Speaker 1: 14:43

It's like, oh my gosh, and I watch my son. So my oldest is a senior but my middle is navigating as a freshman and I watch him walk around and, I'll be honest, there are times I'm really glad his face is in his phone. I'm like he has no idea what he's just passed by. Okay, that's really okay.

Speaker 2: 15:02

Keep looking at your phone, yep, just keep looking down.

Speaker 1: 15:05

So there are times that those distractions can be good. Well, yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:09

You know there are times normal, healthy development is what it is and I think that that is the misnomer when their body is developing at a normal rate and their brain. But their brain is not, and sometimes it's more of a social construct. They're presenting just younger than they are, and so it's not that you're wanting to protect them from the world or do anything. You want them to be able to develop in a functional, healthy curve. And if they're not prepared to process that information but it's going to be up in their face then you've got some issues. But it's going to be up in their face, then you've got some issues.

Speaker 2: 15:56

One thing that we do a lot and we try to be a lot better about it during the school year is highs and lows. We'll sit down at the dinner table what were your highs and lows? And get everybody talking. Or roses and thorns Ooh, that's a good one. Yeah, what were your roses? What were your thorns? Usually, every adult says what were your highs? Right now, this time when I'm about, when it's almost bedtime, bedtime is my high, I'm feeding my face and I'm going to go to bed soon.

Speaker 2: 16:21

It's so close, so yeah, but being able for them to talk and to talk freely with you. And if you say, gosh, I haven't been doing all this, Right, I haven't been that is just fine, because every day is a new day and we're going to start, we've got you know tomorrow, maybe tomorrow we're going to set it, make it easy, do a. Would you rather around the table? Would you rather go on vacation in a forest or to the ocean? What would you know? Just that sort of thing.

Speaker 2: 17:00

And usually adolescents initially are very reticent and kind of snarky about it. But really what happens is once people everybody starts to feel free to share their heart and where they're at, they'll end up leading it. You know, they'll end up leading it, They'll end up stepping up. I do have some typical children as well and typical family members. I live in a multi-generational household. We have multiple generations, but my one daughter, Kylie, when we do what we, rather, just because of her level of opposition, she will never choose one of the two options. She always goes so rogue she has option three.

Speaker 2: 17:34

She has option three. We're always like I don't know Kylie's. You're like, hey, we didn't think of that one.

Speaker 1: 17:40

All right, thank you Thank you, Kylie.

Speaker 1: 17:43

Well, and that's one of the things we teach when we're stressed out we can do it for ourselves and we can teach our kids to do. It is when we're stressed out. We're in that emotional part of our brain. So if we can do things like the would you rather, or those you know the highs and the lows, it kind of takes us out of that emotion and makes us think about something completely different which can calm us down and then we can process the day better, or the upcoming week of new school or whatever it is that we're having anxiety about. So those are great tips for, you know, parents to try to help, kind of help their kids learn to stress a little less, have a little bit more maybe laughter and fun about what's coming up. You know, rather than telling them just picture everyone in the room naked.

Speaker 1: 18:24

Remember that used to be the tip right? Yeah, and I hope you enjoyed part two of three of our discussion on back to school. Shauna and I continued giving unique examples and solutions. We discussed routines, communication with teachers, ways to encourage our kids and why school is such a unique experience in everyone's lives. As parents, we believe that all parents can help find the balance between age placements in school and developmental readiness. Join us next week for part three, where we talk about healthy coping strategies for back to cool stress and wrapping up how to start this school year. Thank you so much for watching and listening.